Bwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! We've all been in this situation.
Imagine the worst smell you ever smelled
multiply that by 10
Homeboy's breath was so bad
I could smell it through his cheeks.
The odor singed my nose hairs
and cleared my nasal passages of mucus.
I was in a no-win situation.
He did purchase one of my CDs
But how do you tell someone you barely know
their breath has more kicks than
Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.
In an effort to be kind,
instead of speaking my mind,
I offered him a stick of gum
and he declined.
Oblivious to the fact that his breath combined with a
match can set the whole world on fire.
Okay, so I cut the conversation short,
pretending that someone across the room was calling
me, thinking he would catch the hint
and let a sista be.
But he didn't.
He followed me across the room,
like a predator after prey,
like a fat man after a sandwich,
like R. Kelly after a 12 year old.
asking me questions about my poetry,
the motivation for my free verse,
how often did I rehearse
and he kept using words that began with the letter 'H'
and then it happened.
Something so hideous,
it would make the devil say, 'Mama.'
A stray piece of spit torpedoed from his mouth
and landed on my forhead
and I'm not talking about a little piece of spit
I'm talking about a piece of spit so big
I actually saw it coming.
But for some strange reason
I could not move.
If only I had rented the movie Matrix one more time,
then maybe I could have dodged it.
And that was the straw that broke this poets back.
Well, I had to say what I was thinking.
I, I had to say what I was feeling.
I had to say, 'Colgate,
Tide with Bleach my brotha.
Don't you know, brushing your teeth 3 times a day,
combined with flossing,
regular visits to your dentist,
and prescription tictacs can help you.
tartar control a try,
and take this stick of gum.
Get the F***! Out! Of! My! Face! '